The husband has a mistress. What shall I do?

You learned that your husband has a mistress. Your condition is a poisonous cocktail of resentment, bitterness, desire for revenge and the difficult question "What to do?". In fact, you have only three options: to fight for the return of her husband, to start a new life without him or to come to terms with the current state of affairs.

Start by defining how you see your future life? Would you like to feel wanted and loved again? Will you be able to achieve this next to your husband, getting rid of the rival? Or is it better to immediately tune in to find another life partner?

Identify your true desires, soberly assess the available opportunities. Your future strategy will depend on this. And the options, as mentioned above, only three. Let's analyze them in more detail.

The struggle for the return of her husband

It should be noted at once that further happy life with a man is possible only in one case: if you sincerely forgive him. Keeping the image in the soul, it is impossible to create a warm relationship of trust. And it will be difficult, first of all, for you.

If you are ready to forgive everything and start fighting for a man, ask yourself the following questions: why did a man have a mistress? What does he lack in his relationship with you? What are you looking for on the side?

The reasons for marital infidelity can be very different: from lack of sex and the search for novelty to the banal "devil in the ribs", which provokes a man to have an affair on the side to prove that he is still able to seduce a woman.

Once you've identified the causes, work to eliminate them. In most cases, the main directions are two:

  • self-improvement
  • introduction of novelty in the relationship.

Try to learn more about your opponent. What does she look like? How do you dress? What are your hobbies? What kind of person is she? What is she better than you?

Change yourself

For many women, self-improvement begins with weight loss. It will be good if you start going to a fitness club or doing some kind of sport. First, exercise is much more effective than dieting. Secondly, such classes imply new acquaintances and impressions. This will help you to distract yourself from the thought that a man has a mistress, and see life outside the formed triangle.

Changes in appearance are not limited to weight loss. A new hairstyle, unusual eye makeup, a radical change of wardrobe (especially home clothes) - all this will help you create the image of another woman. Try to have more qualities in it that your husband likes.

At the same time, change your behavior. In the first stage, your goal is to attract a man's attention so that he sees a new woman in you. The next step is to make him fall in love with the new you.

A small separation

We tend not to notice what is nearby. Therefore, if possible, go for a month or two without breaking off relations. In this regard, very good training courses in another city or business trip.

When you are away, try to call your husband less (even if he cares about the children you care about) and spend more time with yourself. You can start a short-term romance. Usually the first sex after many years of fidelity to one partner is dizzying because it happened.

The novel will help you get rid of doubts about your own attractiveness and suppress resentment that your husband has a mistress. Just try not to let your husband know about your infidelity. Of course, if you want to save the family.

Put before the choice

Many men are able to choose between a wife and a mistress for a long time, but never decide. They benefit when they are loved and awaited by two women. If you see that, despite all your efforts, the man continues to meet his mistress, try to push him to make a decision.

Threats and ultimatums will not achieve anything. You can try to calmly discuss the situation with your husband and reach an agreement. Or offer him a few months to live with his mistress on the condition that if he returns, for example, in three months, you will forgive him and take him back.

The latter option is quite risky. There are no guarantees that the man will return. But in many cases, it is cohabitation that puts an end to relationships that have developed over the years. Therefore, if you do not see other ways, let your husband go to the rival. Maybe this is the way out.

New life

If you are one of those women who consider the fact that a man has a mistress a reason for divorce, your main goal: to break up the relationship with maximum benefit for yourself. And don't be confused by your own mercantilism. The man is not obliged to leave you everything you have earned, but you have a full right to half of the property.

If difficult trials are expected, consult a good lawyer before verbally explaining to your husband. You may need to stock up on some documents or, for example, evidence of male infidelity (they can be obtained by any detective agency) that can help you decide matters in your favor.

In addition to the financial issues that arise in the divorce process, it is necessary to smooth out some sharp corners in the area of ​​their own feelings. Usually, after a woman learns that her husband is a mistress, the following complexes develop:

  • Uncertainty about their female attractiveness.
  • Doubts in her ability to keep a man.
  • Feelings of guilt for being a bad wife, housewife, etc.

Feelings of guilt for others (for children for depriving them of their father, for their mother for not listening to her advice and marrying this person, etc.).
The first three points - a reason to think about your behavior, analyze it, draw adequate conclusions and use them to build a relationship with another man. Don't blame yourself for losing the past over and over again - it's a way to stay forever in a relationship that no longer exists. Look to the future and enthusiastically build your new life.

As for children, it is better for them to see the normal relationship of parents who live separately than to grow up in an atmosphere of mutual hatred. You are not obliged to take into account the opinion of other relatives (including mothers) when creating personal relationships.

Life of three

There are many couples who live together while having lovers. For the sake of joint business, children, housing, they do not file for divorce. But as sexual partners, they are no longer interested in each other, so their needs are met on the side.

Is this correct? If the situation suits everyone, why not? Think, maybe you have just such a case.

Why there is no Revenge item in the action list

Revenge on the treacherous - this is the first reaction of many women who learned that her husband has a mistress. But there is no such item in the list of actions. Why? Because if you are going to take revenge, you will harm yourself in the first place.

Of course, in revenge you can get a lover. But if you are completely indifferent to him, after sex with him you will feel only devastation. You can pour acid on the face of the divorcee. And spend the next 5-10 years behind bars under a criminal article. Is this part of your plans? You can scold a man every day for infidelity, even after he leaves his mistress. You will turn his life into hell. But you will bury yourself. And at the same time you will provoke mental disorders in your children.

Whether a man has a mistress or not, life goes on. And you can make it the way you want it. It doesn't matter what decision you make with this man or the next, forgiving or breaking up. The main thing is that you keep faith in yourself, desire to live and vision of your future.